Tuesday, January 11, 2011

You just never know

Today we found out that Alexis and Joseph's Dad in California has leukemia. Wow. His wife called and I knew he had been bitten by a brown recluse spider several weeks ago so I figured she was going to say he was in the hospital because of issues from that. Then she said the word Leukemia. I was shocked.

My ex husband and I don't have a lot of interaction with one another anymore. Any that we do pertains to the kids. So I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I felt really weird because I was upset. Then all I could think of was, "Oh my god, I have to tell the kids this. Me. This is my job, my responsibility to tell them". That upset me. That made me cry. To have to tell something so heart wrenching is unbelievable.

Right now they are handling it fine. Allsion, their step mom got them tickets to fly down on Friday and they will stay with her and the little ones so they can spend some time with their brother and sisters too.

It is so scary how you just never know when something like this is going to happen.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Sleep and Poop

Two years ago I was the mother of 3 children. I knew that sleep was important and was always disrupted by the arrival of a baby. I knew poop was important for everyone and getting constipated was bad. I had no idea how my life would come to revolve around the two subjects or how truly, truly important they both are.

Pooping is a neurological function. Really, ultimately everything is, but any specialist you talk to-- trust me, I have spoken with a few the past few years-- will tell you their "part" of the body is most critical, but when it comes down to it, no part of the body will function properly without the neurological messages from the brain. This includes your colon and your rectum. Nothing going out if the brain isn't telling it to. So Aiden has poop issues. So we take Miralax. It helps. It is less violent on his body than the Lactulose was. But we still have issues. We are just over two, most people would be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The joy of approaching a time where diapers will not be necessary. The short lived time of accidents on the floor and in the pants. We cannot see that light at the end of the tunnel. Does that mean we do not hope for it??? NO!! We do! Does that not mean in our hearts we believe it will come? No, WE DO!! Does it mean no matter how well intentioned you are that you can relate or understand? Not really. Not unless your kid is special needs. Not even if your kid wasn't fully potty trained until he was 5. Do I appreciate your attempts to relate? Yes, yes I do. But you still don't really understand. Every time we have a blow out, I wonder what it will be like when this happens when we are 10 or 15. That you cannot relate to no matter how hard you try, so please don't. Just say, "That sucks." and leave it there. Drop it. Let it go.

The same goes for sleep. Aiden wakes up sometimes every 10 minutes at night. From about midnight to 4 or 5 am. He has had a sleep study, "Arousal in stages", "Epileptic Sleep Disturbance". Basically his brain takes nice short naps and then cycles and he wakes up. Sometimes he wants a bottle, sometimes he whines, sometimes he falls right back asleep. Sometimes it is for an hour, sometimes for 2. Often the max is a half hour or 45 minutes. Again, sleep boils down to neurological messages. Even on sleep meds, I am not sure how major they are, but pretty significant. Five times the original dose the Neurologist had hoped would work. We still wake up. Some nights, suddenly, we sleep all night. I am not myself because of this. I am cranky and short tempered. I don't have patience for stupidity or slowness. I can hardly tolerate when my schedule gets thrown off by someone else even when I know they couldn't control what happened with the person in front of us, or first there in the morning. Life begins to revolve around hoping Aiden will sleep all night and hoping that the rest of the world will do their jobs properly the next day as we interact with them. I am not trying to be a martyr. It is what it is. But don't think because your "normal" baby keeps you up more than you are used to for the first 1-12 months that you can relate. You can't. I have respect for what you are going through, I have been there. It is not the same. When your 9 month old won't nap. It is not the same as a two year old who needs you to do everything for him all day long won't nap. It's just not. So again, just tell me, "That sucks" and drop it. Let it go.

I try to be positive, I try to remember we know he is going to do better than all this. But some days it is hard. Especially going on 2 hours of sleep, and not two hours together. One at the beginning of the night, the other at the end of the night. It sucks.

Would I trade it for anything in the world? NO!! I love Aiden with all my heart. And we will get through this and he will continue to exceed all expectations! I KNOW this!

Am I trying to be a martyr? NO!! please do not think that!! I am just hoping that you will continue to give me a second chance if I am a little rough around the edges! :)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Another New Year

WHERE does the time go? It seems to fly by in the blink of an eye. All those other cheesy saying apply here also. But time really does seem to keep speeding up with every year that passes. I suppose as we get older we are just more aware of how it could end at any time.

The past year has been incredbile!

1. We adopted a baby boy-- Aiden Richard Barnum.

2. We got out of foster care-- WAY too much stress for our family.

3. Jessica started "real" school..... I wasn't a very strict or diligent teacher.

4. Joe is a Freshman in high school.

5. Alexis is a Senior in High school.

6. Bill and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.

Those are the important ones. The little ones.... well you know.... they sound like lines from a really bad horror movie!

We fought the good fight and got Jessica a new teacher when the 1st one didn't work out so well, Aiden can drink from a straw and poop the biggest stinkiest bombs ever, Joe started shaving his pencil mustache, and Alexis fell in looooove (a few times). Bill had his ups and downs at work and is kind of stuck there for now. I have been running, running, running and not losing a single pound... but I love being the slow runner that I am. The Doctor tried to appease me by telling me how wonderful my cholesterol and triglycerides are..... suffice it to say I was not appeased! We found out that we will be stuck here for a while as we, along with most of the rest of the country, are "stuck" in our house. I am however thankful that it is big and beautiful and has amazing views!

So here is to another year! I have started Weight watchers (and I am dragging Bill along with me!).... Alexis will graduate and start college this year, Joe will move up to the high school and all it's insanity, Jessica will keep being Jessica (I am not sure if she keeps me old or keeps me young!), Aiden will start playgroup and then Preschool!!! My hope is that I will find wit and the right words to post as we go along! :)

Hang on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!